Farewell adolescence and hello future.....

12th July 2011, approximately 2:30 a.m. was the moment my adolescence ended for good. Why? The moment is as good as any other, but for me and many others of my agegroup these days are different.

For me and maybe others as well these days mark the last ones of a kind of adolescence that involved many things, getting drunk in front of some bar, calling a friend in the middle of the night because you just found out the publish date of this book you both adore, the time where you waited hours in front of a book store just to get your hands on the new book as early as possible, not caring what subject is on next day at school and rather staying at your first love's place just because it got too much at home.... . As sad as it is to see these days go, I am fairly sure I haven't done all these things for the last time, most likely neither of them in fact.

The ending of one is the beginning of another, a saying which is pretty hard to take in at first, but only because people tend to shy away from letting it sink in and exploring the new. Not knowing what will become of the future is a high factor which contributes a great deal to the feeling of anxiety when thinking of the future and it often covers the knowledge that it will be better, that everything will become alright somehow. One only has to remember the past and one knows: It will come another job, another love, possibly even a dream come true or a new chance will present itself.

yours Lexi

10 Gründe warum es sich lohnt alleine* zu wohnen:

1)Man kann in aller Ruhe Milch aus der Flasche trinken.
2)Man hat die alleinige Macht über die Fernbedienung.
3)Man kann so laut singen wie man möchte ohne jemanden beim Mittagsschläfchen zu stören.
4)Keiner meckert wenn man den Abwasch “dann morgen “ erledigt.
5)Man kann theoretisch tun und lassen was man möchte.
6)Bad und WC sind immer frei
7)In Deko-Fragen zählt nur die eigene Meinung
8)Man weiß eindeutig welche Zahnbürste einem gehört.
9)Keiner nimmt einem die Bettdecke weg.
10)Die Naschlade trägt bloß deinen Namen

*PS: Baileys & Tequila haben darauf bestanden dass ich hinzufüge, dass dies Haustiere nur in gewissen Punkten ausschließt.

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10 Reasons why it pays off living alone*:

1)You can drink milk from the bottle
2)The power over the remote control is solely yours.
3)You can sing out as loud as you want without disturbing anyone's nap.
4)Nobody complains if you're gonna do the dishes “tomorrow,then”.
5)Theoretically you can do whatever you want.
6)Bathroom and toilet are never occupied.
7)Decoration is yours to handle.
8)You know for certain which toothbrush is yours.
9)Nobody is stealing your blanket.
10)The sweet stock wears your name only.

Baileys and Tequila insisted on me adding that only some points do actually exclude pets.

"Manchmal fühle ich mich wie ein Staubkorn zwischen den Sternen" ein Zitat das ich nur zu gut nachempfinden kann. Der Mensch ist groß in seiner Vielfalt, seinen mächtigen Erfindungen und doch jedes Mal wenn ich unter einem Sternenhimmel stehe und hinaufblicke habe ich das Gefühl dieses Staubkorn zu sein:unbedeutend und klein, jedoch Teil eines großen Ganzen. Jeder kennt vermutlich den Satz :"Du bist etwas besonderes, für die Welt bist du vielleicht irgendjemand aber für irgendjemand bist du die Welt". Ein "Grußkarten-Klischee" möchte man meinen und doch haftet diesem oft banal daher gesagten Spruch eine Wahrheit an, die eigentlich für die meisten Menschen wohl schwer zu fassen ist. Denken wir doch nur mal an ein simples Beispiel: Ein Lied. Jemand komponiert also ein Lied, ein anderer, vielleicht er selbst, performt dieses Lied, es wird vielleicht im Radio gespielt. Sagen wir ein Mädchen das gerade eine herbe Enttäuschung einstecken musste läuft an einem Kiosk vorbei in dem ein Radio steht der gerade dieses Lied spielt. Eine banale Szene die so oder auch in millionenfachen Abwandlungen in alle möglichen Richtungen stattfindet, Tag für Tag, auf der ganzen Welt. Sie mag vielleicht keine epischen Veränderungen nach sich ziehen, aber Veränderungen, mögen sie noch so klein sein, ein Lächeln oder ein entspanntes Seufzen. Die Leute meinen immer man könne in der heutigen Zeit nichts verändern, nicht so wie damals und dies mag auch für die meisten zutreffend sein was globale Veränderungen angeht, jedoch kann tatsächlich jeder den Moment, den Tag, das Leben oder die Welt für sich oder jemand anderes verändern, bewusst oder unbewusst und das gibt in meinen Augen Anlass zur Hoffnung, in einer Zeit wo nichts auf der Welt so sicher ist wie die Tatsache das sie Veränderung braucht.

Windows to the soul....

Are they? I've met a few of people so far, not as many as someone twice my age maybe, but a few. There's this person for example, I only have to look him in the eyes for a split second and I immediately feel disarmed, naked as if all and evrything I have ever thought, felt, sought and done has been laid out on front of him, the moment our eyes met. I am far from thinkin he doesn't know that, but sometimes I guess, he is just to busy noticing it, not to mention admit it to himself that the connection was made, or maybe he is just as confused as I am when we have some of our rare moments alone, but all too often has better ways of hiding it, then again, maybe that's the way it should be, you never can be sure of that, can you?



Eyes can offer so many things: Fear, Reassurance, Pain, Comfort, Joy, Happniess, Sadness, Hate, Love, Tears, a Smile, a Laugh, Change, Warmth, Coldness, Anger, Hurt, Surprise, Tiredness.... . It can be quite fraught sometimes, though this is not the only reason I, if on a decision or automatically I wouldn't be able to say right now, long ago, quit really looking people in the eyes, apart from, again, some rare moments.

It can hurt all the more badly if you look a person you love , whether in a family loving way or a romantic one, deeply into the eyes for a while; if you talk or not does only matter in a limited way; and you have to do without them for a long time. It is quite strange how one look, long or short, can change everything about a conversation or talking in longterms, a whole relationship. It can change the way you see people, how you interact with them and as I already mentioned, it can completely disarm you.

They are a beautiful thing though-eyes and one should enjoy and value any moment, one has them, can explore the world around them, can catch sight of a loved one, can detect all the small and big wonders in this beautiful world, the words may seem big, but hey it's christmas time and I am at a really low point in my life, so bare with me,

cheers Lexi

PS: oh and I am an artist, which somehow qualifies me for using big words, don't you think so?

Brackets

I am quite content with saying I'm not an ignorant person, though I have my moments which sometimes even might outweigh other moments, but all in all I do care- for people, for moments, for life, for love. There are so awfully many things happening in the world that sometimes( though sometimes often just means rarely and sometimes often means always, rarely means sometimes and always means often) I feel trapped.

If I only had the(_____) (:not sure what to enter here, is it courage, nerves, patience, time?,.......so I will leave this brackets empty for now) to write down what I (______) (:again : feel,think, want to, experience.....?).

How can I find it, can I find it, will I find it, do I want to find it? I want to know and still I don't seem to care sometimes/often/in general/always. I painted a picture for my father yesterday and suddenly I felt at ease with myself and the world, which rarely/sometimes/often/never happens to this extent.

I realized that me shying away from writing certain things has been playing a crucial part in what I think of myself.

I am trying to avoid this nowadays, so be prepared/afraid/excited/glad.

I also decided I am going to change the colour, features, title and posts of this blog as many times as I want until I feel content with it, so don't be surprised/shocked/disgusted/disappointed.

Note: Do you see how confusing/enriching/complicated/exciting life gets when you have the choice?

Vienna I

"Slow down,
you're doing fine,
you can't be everything before your time,
although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight.
Too bad but it's the life you lead,
you're so ahead of yourself,
that you forgot what you need,
though you can't see when you're wrong,
you know you can always see when you're right, you're right.
You got your passion,
you got your pride,
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied,
dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true,
when will you realise, Vienna waits for you."~"Vienna",Billy Joel






I let Billy's music and my pictures speak for me today,
much love
Lexi a.k.a. The Confused

Random QuestionTime Part I

Q:Are you anxious about anything today? What?

A: Ah where to start? Movement. I guess that is what sums it up best, whether it be my desire to travel or to simply move on in my life. It somehow feels like when you're travelling by car really fast and then look out of the window ( not if you are the one actually driving, of course) and after a while the things you drive past seem to slow down although the speed hasn't changed at all, or is even getting faster.