Windows to the soul....

Are they? I've met a few of people so far, not as many as someone twice my age maybe, but a few. There's this person for example, I only have to look him in the eyes for a split second and I immediately feel disarmed, naked as if all and evrything I have ever thought, felt, sought and done has been laid out on front of him, the moment our eyes met. I am far from thinkin he doesn't know that, but sometimes I guess, he is just to busy noticing it, not to mention admit it to himself that the connection was made, or maybe he is just as confused as I am when we have some of our rare moments alone, but all too often has better ways of hiding it, then again, maybe that's the way it should be, you never can be sure of that, can you?



Eyes can offer so many things: Fear, Reassurance, Pain, Comfort, Joy, Happniess, Sadness, Hate, Love, Tears, a Smile, a Laugh, Change, Warmth, Coldness, Anger, Hurt, Surprise, Tiredness.... . It can be quite fraught sometimes, though this is not the only reason I, if on a decision or automatically I wouldn't be able to say right now, long ago, quit really looking people in the eyes, apart from, again, some rare moments.

It can hurt all the more badly if you look a person you love , whether in a family loving way or a romantic one, deeply into the eyes for a while; if you talk or not does only matter in a limited way; and you have to do without them for a long time. It is quite strange how one look, long or short, can change everything about a conversation or talking in longterms, a whole relationship. It can change the way you see people, how you interact with them and as I already mentioned, it can completely disarm you.

They are a beautiful thing though-eyes and one should enjoy and value any moment, one has them, can explore the world around them, can catch sight of a loved one, can detect all the small and big wonders in this beautiful world, the words may seem big, but hey it's christmas time and I am at a really low point in my life, so bare with me,

cheers Lexi

PS: oh and I am an artist, which somehow qualifies me for using big words, don't you think so?

Brackets

I am quite content with saying I'm not an ignorant person, though I have my moments which sometimes even might outweigh other moments, but all in all I do care- for people, for moments, for life, for love. There are so awfully many things happening in the world that sometimes( though sometimes often just means rarely and sometimes often means always, rarely means sometimes and always means often) I feel trapped.

If I only had the(_____) (:not sure what to enter here, is it courage, nerves, patience, time?,.......so I will leave this brackets empty for now) to write down what I (______) (:again : feel,think, want to, experience.....?).

How can I find it, can I find it, will I find it, do I want to find it? I want to know and still I don't seem to care sometimes/often/in general/always. I painted a picture for my father yesterday and suddenly I felt at ease with myself and the world, which rarely/sometimes/often/never happens to this extent.

I realized that me shying away from writing certain things has been playing a crucial part in what I think of myself.

I am trying to avoid this nowadays, so be prepared/afraid/excited/glad.

I also decided I am going to change the colour, features, title and posts of this blog as many times as I want until I feel content with it, so don't be surprised/shocked/disgusted/disappointed.

Note: Do you see how confusing/enriching/complicated/exciting life gets when you have the choice?

Vienna I

"Slow down,
you're doing fine,
you can't be everything before your time,
although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight.
Too bad but it's the life you lead,
you're so ahead of yourself,
that you forgot what you need,
though you can't see when you're wrong,
you know you can always see when you're right, you're right.
You got your passion,
you got your pride,
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied,
dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true,
when will you realise, Vienna waits for you."~"Vienna",Billy Joel






I let Billy's music and my pictures speak for me today,
much love
Lexi a.k.a. The Confused

Random QuestionTime Part I

Q:Are you anxious about anything today? What?

A: Ah where to start? Movement. I guess that is what sums it up best, whether it be my desire to travel or to simply move on in my life. It somehow feels like when you're travelling by car really fast and then look out of the window ( not if you are the one actually driving, of course) and after a while the things you drive past seem to slow down although the speed hasn't changed at all, or is even getting faster.

Idō .....!

.......That is a japanese word for change and that is what has been dictating my life for most of the past year and still does to be honest. When I was younger, I, for the most parts, understood change as a bad thing, though I couldn't always pinpoint why. I feared and rejected change, rarely ever sought it and almost always drew back before it could happen.

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

~Marilyn Ferguson

That probably was, what made me reject change, the fear of losing something to hold on too, maybe I'll never know or maybe some time I will, but it seems to be the explanation that fits the best. Over the years smaller or bigger changes happened, whether I wanted them to or not. It came the time, the point in my life where I not only got used to change, no I began to embrace it, to welcome it with open arms. I now truly can say, I may not be totally ready for everything, but I am ready for change!

yours Lexi

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/acaterpillar

Food

Food-important stuff isn't it? There are so many forms, sizes, names,colours..... . Food means nourishment, pleasure, something to do, necessity...., when asked for their favourite food people often don't know what to answer first, as it changs through the various stages of life. People all over the world, cook different sorts of dishes, they call them differently and give them many names, they keep it or trade it, it is more important for some people and less for others, it can make someone happy or sad sick or well, feeling good or bad, okay or not okay.

Babies

Babies are funny a funny thing, if you think about them- well not a thing as in object, but a thing as in topic. They can be simple but are highly complex, some of them need more protection than others and all of them seem to awake that natural instinct in women, that is sometimes hidden or lost.

There is a material aspect e.g. babyclothes, shoes, toys, food, beds....; a mysterious one e.g. birth, growing, language, bonding, development....; a biological one e.g. when do they grow to which extent, when and how is the sex determined, the development inside their moms belly, the influence of various things on their biological development, how does the biological state of mother and father influence the baby....; a psychological one e.g. how is the enviroment in which it is born crucial to the development of its character, when does the character begin to develop, can the later learn-process be influenced before the birth, does inheriting weigh more than learning, when excactly does the learning process which is crucial for character development, start....; an emotional aspect e.g. in how many and which ways does a family benefit from a baby born into the family, how do parents bring their child up the best possible way, which families should have babies, what is the best moment to plan on making a baby, how does one care about their baby, best.....and possibly a dozen more aspects....



~Emily: You're having a baby - do you know that, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Well, that explains the stomachache. ~ Gilmore Girls

~Babies are nature's way of ensuring that men and women will always have something in common.~Rain Bojangles

~Gabrielle: We were supposed to have four weeks. She promised me the baby wasn't due for four more weeks. We don't have anything! We don't, we don't have diapers, and we don't have the stuff babies drink.~ Desperate Housewives

~Chris Rock: I didn't know a lot of girls who had boyfriends. Babies yes, but not boyfriends.~ Everybody hates Chris

~Fran: I wonder if I'll ever really be a mother?
Max: Well, there's always the subway.
Fran: No way. Forget it. The next time I bring home a baby it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat. ~ The Nanny




So what do you think?

cheers Alex